Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Oh for the want of being skinny and still being able to eat the foods Guy Fieri eats on Diners Drive Ins & Dives

To say that I was laying in bed last night questioning my sanity about posting my weight loss for the week would not be an understatement. I for some reason felt like it was my personal duty to rid this house of all of the Easter candy. How you might ask? By throwing it away you might ask? No no, by eating it. This past week I was a mess a big old hot mess. The weather was gloomy, the house was full of Easter Brunch leftovers (not to mention candy), I was stressed because of LeiLei's toe, you name it, it had me wound up. And when I am wound up, I eat...

I was very focused on making super healthy meals, but I found myself snacking, a lot... Last night I told my husband that I was dreading getting on the scale this morning. Not just dreading I mean please don't make me get on that scale types of thoughts. There must be a way to get out of this weigh in types of thoughts... Of course we were laying in bed watching Diners, Drive Ins, & Dives complaining about how hungry we were, while having this conversation. After 6 weeks of eating very clean ( I have consumed more couscous that I ever thought possible) it is hard to watch Guy Fieri enjoying his freshly made noodles, or Street Tacos, or anything with bacon. It is all I can do to get through the show without running to my kitchen for a homemade BLT.

But the time has come, and I have to drag my hungry body over to the scale for a dose of reality...

Weigh In
Starting weight March 19 = 175.8 lbs
1st weigh in on March 25 = 167.7 lbs
2nd weigh in on April 1 = 166.1 lbs
3rd weigh in on April 8 = 165.2
4th weigh in on April 15 = 163.8
5th weigh in on April 22 = 162.9
6th weigh in on April 29= 161.3

Total = 14.5 lbs!!!!!!

Oh my gosh, I lost 1.5lbs this week!!! Yahoo! Now pass the M&Ms!!!

Monday, April 28, 2014

That moment when you realize that you are a mommy...

That moment when you realize that you are a mommy. Not just a going through the motions mommy... I change diapers, make formula bottles, clean up messes, all of these activities make me a mommy. But yesterday I walked into my kids bedroom and there it was, proof that I am a mommy.

Proof that in JayJays eyes I am her mommy. I am her comfort. I am the one she reaches too. I have created safety for this child. For the first time, the word mommy took on a completely different meaning for me. For the first time I realized that I am doing something right. I am the queen of doubt. Am I spending enough quality time with my kids? Am I too hard on my kids? Am I too easy on my kids? Am I actually teaching my kids? Am I too wound up all the time? Can they sense that?
Yesterday when I saw those two dolls in their doll house I realized that everything is o.k. My kids obviously feel loved, feel safe, and they enjoy their time with me. Nothing else matters. That evening after we put our kids to bed I saw our neighbors taking their evening walk. Instead of two bodies going down the road it was three. Their adult daughter home from college, joining them on their nightly walk. She could have been doing anything but she was joining her mom and dad for an evening walk. It was beautiful, that is what it is all about. That is when you know you are doing something right. When your children choose you... I know they will not always choose me, and that is called growing up. As long as they know that they can always reach out to me, then I will have mastered being a Mommy...

Friday, April 25, 2014

I am not sure if I am coming or going...

Oh what a week. I am not sure if I was coming or going this week. I am just so very glad that it is Friday, because I am ...done. I feel like I just can't quite grasp life right now. As I sit here in my oh so filthy home, just not caring. My hard wood floors have so much dirt on them it feels like you are walking in sand. There is a stack of silly straws that have been in my kitchen sink for at least 2 weeks, needing to be cleaned (bleached). At this point I am just thinking about throwing them away. I have a pile of laundry (on the laundry room floor) so tall that I literally have to step on and over it to even get to the washing machine. And yet I just don't care. We still have not received word from Pathology in regards to LeiLei's tumor. That has just left me living as if I am a robot. I am going through the motions and accomplishing what needs to be done (barely), but I am not feeling anything. Sure our days are busy, running from Doctors appointments to Dentist appointments to Therapy appointments. But at no moment am I not wondering what the Pathology results are.

Today I almost had a melt down... The poor receptionist at the Doctors Office was on the receiving end of my pent up frustration. We are 2 1/2 weeks post-op and still have not heard so much as 'Boo' from Pathology. Can you imagine?!?! All I keep hearing from the Doctors Office is 'there is nothing new in her file'... Let me tell you this... If they dropped the ball and something happened to the sample that was suppose to be tested, this mom is going to completely come unglued. The Hospital has assured us that we (the Doctors Office) will receive something from them within 24 hours, and since today is Friday that means another weekend of numbness.

Today while in the waiting room at Ademans Physical Therapist poor LeiLei took a direct hit. One of the kiddos that was running around the waiting room made direct contact with LeiLeis foot. The same foot that had the stitches taken out yesterday. So I have had to listen to my poor LeiLei complain abut her toe hurting all afternoon. I really am done...

So I hope and pray that we have some sunshine this weekend so that the kids and I can get outside and have some nice family time. That is what we all need right about now. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend filled with memory making activities...

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Kids Bowl For Free, I like Free!!

Last year I did not have the chance to sign my kids up for this really cool summer activity, but this year we are soooooo all over it! The program is called Kids Bowl Free, and if you are like me I am always on the hunt for inexpensive (free) activities for my kiddos. This is not entirely free, since you will stay have to pay for the rental of the Bowling Shoes, but still a pretty good deal especially if your kids enjoy bowling. I am not entirely sure if my kids enjoy bowling since they have never been. I would rather find out that my kids don't enjoy bowling, while not paying for a game!

Your children, once signed up will receive two free games a day all summer long. All you have to pay for are the shoes. Not bad, right? On top of that you can add a Family Pass for $24.95 which allows two games per person per day. The Family Pass covers up to four adult family members for the entire summer. I think that is a smoking deal!

I think my kids are going to learn to love bowling. I know I sure loved it as a kid. I have great memories of the bowling alley. I can almost remember the sounds of the balls going down the lanes, the pins being knocked down, and the machines resetting the pins. I can still see the shiny floors, and feel the slickness of my shoes on those shiny wood floors. I remember walking and looking at every bowling ball, placing my tiny fingers in the holes trying the bowling balls on, until I found just the right one. Proudly carrying it back for everyone to see, My Ball or as I would like to think, the game winning ball. So many memories... I can even remember the counter that ran the length of the bowling alley just behind were the bowling balls were displayed. The counter that had people standing and eating french fries, drinking cocktails, all while smoking their cigarettes. Such incredible memories...

Now my children can enjoy bumper bowling in a smoke free environment which I am great with. But they better not ever get rid of the greasy french fries because lets face it... Whats bowling without greasy fries...

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

I was a walking eating machine

O.K. I am dreading this weigh in... Lets just say it was not pretty this past week. Between shopping for Easter Candy, preparing Easter baskets, and making an Easter Breakfast (that included Creme Brûlée French Toast and Bacon Granola) I was a walking, eating machine....

Considering I had consecutively losing weight I am not going to freak out. But I know the house needs to be rid of the Easter candy because I can not be trusted. I need to keep reminding myself that at the moment I do not fit in ANY of my shorts, and summer is quickly approaching.

O.K. so lets do this....

Weigh In
Starting weight March 19 = 175.8 lbs
1st weigh in on March 25 = 167.7 lbs
2nd weigh in on April 1 = 166.1 lbs
3rd weigh in on April 8 = 165.2
4th weigh in on April 15 = 163.8
5th weigh in on April 22 = 162.9

Total = 12.9 lbs!!!!!!

Monday, April 21, 2014

Younique..... 3D Fiber Mascara has rocked my world!

I am so excited.... Do you ever just stumble across a beauty product that makes you just giddy? As a teenager I remember coming home with various shades of blue eye shadow (I know I am aging myself!) and I would just stare at them. I thought they were so beautiful, I would take such pleasure in applying layer after layer of blue eyeshadow. Then I would follow it up with an electric blue eyeliner, then came the task of mascara. I always had three go to mascaras, are you ready? It was not about what the product did (because as a teenager I had pretty fabulous eyelashes, thanks dad!) it was about the color. So on most days it was black, but for those days that I had an extra spring in my step I would rock either blue or purple mascara. Yes, I said it... Blue and Purple mascara...

Don't worry friends, I have come along way since then. Although I may have gone through a period of believing dark brown mascara was better then black. Years of wisdom have shown me that when it comes to mascara, just stick to black. Which makes mascara shopping a bit easier now. Especially since I am now at an age where I do not have as many lashes as I use to. I was incredibly blessed with long lashes, but on the fullness scale... Not so much...
I am super excited to tell you about a product that I have fallen IN LOVE with!!! 3D Mascara!!! It is an all natural mascara (which I love) and they do not test on animals (which I love more).
The mascara comes in a beautiful case, which I almost hate placing in my makeup drawer, I feel like it should be on display.
As you see there are two 'Mascaras' in the case. The first mascara is the applicator gel, and the second mascara are the fibers. Just a side note the fibers are actually green tea fibers, pretty cool...
I used to be a two coat kind of girl when it came to mascara, but with the 3D Mascara I am a one coat girl. The process is very simple. First apply the gel, you need to get the lashes wet so that the fibers have something to stick to. Then you apply the fibers (the same way you apply traditional mascara). Once you have the desired amount of fibers, you will apply an additional coat of the gel, which will then lock in the fibers. It is a whopping three steps, which takes less time (for me) then when I was applying two coats of traditional mascara. Of course follow it up with an eyelash comb, which you were probably already using with traditional mascara.
I am so hooked on it that for the first time in my life I have actually signed on with a company to sell a product. I have been tempted by other companies before (like Thirty One, oh I love their bags!) but never felt compelled or passionate about the products. Shopping for make-up is such a personal thing, lets face it, there is a reason why Department Stores have an entire floor filled with cosmetic companies. What works for one person does not always work for the next... I hope you all have the chance to pop over to my site and do a little at home, sitting in your favorite chair, with a cup of coffee in your hand, shopping. We don't only sell mascara there are lots of amazing products to choose from. Maybe you don't need anything at the moment, but aren't we always looking for gifts? Wouldn't amazing lashes be great for the Bride To be? Or how about the exhausted new Mommy? Speaking of Mommy's... Mothers Day is coming up, or how about that soon to be high school graduate? So many gifts to buy, so little time. You may as well do it from home! An amazing gift for under $30.00...

So what are you waiting for.... Lets go shopping!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

I don't even know how much candy was consumed before 8:30 a.m.

I love when Easter falls late in the year. I can actually put my kids in Springy clothes, as opposed to snow suits, and take them outside for Easter egg hunts. When Easter falls too early we are at the mercy of Mother Nature A.K.A. Snow... Nothing worse than looking for eggs in the snow. Today hubby and I were up at 5:30 ready to go. Not exactly sure why we were up at 5:30 (might have something to do with the fact that we are getting closer to that  20 hours of daylight phenomenon we experience up here) but we were. We enjoyed the quiet and a cappuccino before we started cooking Easter breakfast.
Before we moved, Easter was always a large brunch at our home that friends and family came to. We now live in a different state with just my husbands father. So our brunches now consist of our immediate family, hubbys dad, friends and neighbors. I am starting to get use to it, it has taken some time, but I am starting to get use to it.
By 8 a.m. the kids had their Easter Baskets torn apart.
Easter grass everywhere...
I don't even want to know how much candy was consumed before 8:30 a.m.
Breakfast was at 9, and did we indulge. No, I am not counting Weight Watchers Points today. I will be eating nothing but bananas and apples tomorrow to make up for the damage done to day! Bacon Granola, oh ya, we went there!
Our afternoon consisted of the all important Easter Egg Hunt. I will be the first to tell you that I made my kiddos sleep off some of the sugar during quiet time, before the egg hunt. My poor JayJay was so amped, I thought her head was going to start spinning.  There comes a point when you realize that the best thing for everyone is to just put them in their room and let them come down off of the sugar, safely in their own beds...

I hope you had a beautiful Easter!

Friday, April 18, 2014

Not even toe surgery is going to keep us from seeing the Easter Bunny!!

The kids and I have been cooped up for about a week now, and we are just over it!!! So today we were out the door by 8:30 a.m. looking for trouble to get into. We did have one mandatory stop which was Ademans Physical Therapy. I had absolutely no desire to sit in the waiting room with 2, four year olds for 55 minutes so we ran to Starbucks. Special mommy daughter time. They dined on pink cake pops and chocolate milk with whip cream, and I thoroughly enjoyed a Tall Skinny Caramel Machiatto  with a Splenda thrown in. Is it on my diet you ask? Yes, today it was... Actually it is only a whopping 3 points, and in diet language that means YAHOO!!! But no pink cake pops for me...

After picking up baby brother we ran to the nearest mall for an Easter Bunny sighting. Going to the mall with three kiddos means you better know your 'route' before you even get there. I was prepared... Park at Sears, walk into the mall through Sears on the lower level, and you will practically trip over Mr. Bunny FooFoo himself. I pray they never change his location, I have it down to a science now. We can get in and get out before anyone even knows what him them!

After prying my kiddos off of the Easter Bunny (I know, odd right?) and bribing them with a candy bar (which is actually just a granola bar, I dread the day they figure out that it is not a real candy bar) we were back in the car and heading to Trader Joes. That was my bad judgement, and I should know better. Who goes to Trader Joes right before a Holiday? Apparently everybody!!! Mommy almost had a melt down right around the half way mark. I had my cart full of groceries, the girls had their 'kid' cart full of flowers, and my JayJay declared she was going to have an accident if we did not get to the potty soon. I love Trader Joes so please do not get me wrong... One potty? REALLY?!?! and it is right next to where they are handing out the food samples and coffee... REALLY??? You've heard of the rain dance? Well we were doing the no pee pee dance, in a line of people waiting to use the restroom. Thank goodness the line moved quickly...

After Trader Joes I declared we were heading home. I was pooped, and judging by the bobbing heads in the back of the car, so were my kids. I was hoping to arrive home and find a message on my answering machine in regards to the Pathology results, but I did not. I was soooo hoping to have all of this behind us prior to Easter, but that is life. I plan on enjoying my weekend and not worrying about it.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

We failed 23,439 Foster Children in 2012... It's wrong and we need to wake up and fix this problem.

This is heart braking... You all know that our three children were adopted through Foster Care, and if money grew on trees I would fill my home with Foster Children. Unfortunately I have yet to find that money tree, so for the moment my role is to advocate for all of those children in Foster care, help raise awareness. I came across this article today from CNN that really put everything into perspective. The article is actually written by Rita Soronen the president and CEO of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

 In 2012 in the United States, 23,439 children in foster care turned 18 and were "emancipated" or "aged out." What does that mean?  Well most were put out into the world on their own without housing, financial assistance or emotional support. Can you imagine being 18 and having nobody to turn to? Such a 'turning point' age, for those of us with family to turn to we were guided to either go to college or start working. These kids have no guidance, and this is their sad reality.

Per the article...In 2012, U.S. authorities received more than 3.3 million reports of abuse, representing about 6 million children, or 8% of the child population. After investigation and intervention, about 400,000 children were placed in foster care, and of those, nearly 60,000 were permanently taken away from their families of origin.

That means in 2012 alone, 60,000 children were added to the ever growing list of children needing homes in the United States... Makes you a little sad, doesn't it?

Per Rita Soronen (Dave Thomas Foundation) - Because we know that children thrive in families -- not institutions or transient, temporary care -- we made a promise to those children. We promised the day they were permanently separated from their families that we would find them new ones. A place to call home, to be loved, supported and cherished, as every child should. We failed 23,439 children last year, and legally emancipated them from care. This world is not an easy place for children to grow and thrive on their own. Too often it is not even a safe place. Conservative studies find one in five will become homeless after 18; at 24, only half will be employed; less than 3% will have earned a college degree; 71% of women will be pregnant by 21; and one in four will have experienced post-traumatic stress disorder at twice the rate of United States war veterans. And too often, many are at risk of moving back into government systems -- from juvenile centers to prison.

There are currently over 100,000 children in Foster Care waiting to be adopted. They are legally free meaning the Birth Parents rights have been removed. We can not afford failure! Can you imagine the ramifications of failing 100,000 children? Every one of these kiddos deserves love, stability, education, and support. Every one of these kids placed in a supportive home could concur the world if just given the opportunity.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

If you were in my home today, we would be having coffee and cookies. Instead I am cleaning kitty litter boxes...

One week ago today we were at the Childrens Hospital. LeiLei is doing pretty good, but she is four years old and there is only so much you can do to keep a four year old off of her feet. There is also only so much you can do to keep her from taking off her wrap. Three times yesterday I had to devise new bandages because she kept taking them off... Let me tell you, it is not a pretty thing to look at, at the moment. I finally got so annoyed that I wrapped almost her entire foot in sterile bandage and then taped the snot out of it. So far so good. Tomorrow we go to the Doctors office for the removal of the bandage, and stitches. I wonder if he will approve of my wrapping skills... Oh and in case you were wondering... We still have not heard from Pathology. Enough about that...

So if you were here in my home today, these are the 20 things you will find us doing. Although if you were here in my home today I would probably be baking us cookies and serving us coffee to enjoy while we watch the rain fall.

1. Staring at the rain falling outside

2. Watering our 'baby' plants

3. Watching Caillou (kids cartoon)

4. Vacuuming and washing floors (walking around barefoot at the moment is NOT an option, so gross)

5. Doing load after load of laundry (apparently pain meds make you wet the bed, ya I am over it)

6. Making my grocery list for Easter breakfast (Trader Joe's and I have a date on Friday)

7. Stare at the phone, hoping it will ring

8. Dishes (because that pile never seems to go down)

9. Waste time on the computer (admit it, we all do it)

10. Have 'School' time with the kids

11. Put the kids Easter Baskets together

12. Read: If You Give A Cat A Cupcake to my kids

13. Counting my daily Weight Watchers Points, and meal plan accordingly. (Darn them for again       reducing my daily points)

14. Eating fruit, lots and lots of fruit (fruit is zero points on Weight Watchers, thank you Hubby for going to Costco yesterday and getting me more fruit. Hubby never had to deal with a pregnant wife craving pickles and ice cream, but he does have to deal with a hungry wife on Weight Watchers that needs a constant supply of fruit. No fruit, No Happy)

15. Have an afternoon tea party with my girls

16. At some point, change out of my 'mom sweats' and make myself look decent for the Hubbs

17. Do my Daily Devotional during quiet time

18. Clean kitty litter boxes

19. Make beds (four beds in total, cant wait for the day when they start making their own)

20.  Love on my kids...

And I wonder why I am tired by the end of the day?!?!....

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The first tragedy of all this waiting, is....

Lets just say that the first tragedy during all of this waiting has been my finger nails, or lack there of at this point. We still have not heard back from Pathology. Yesterday when I made a call to the Doctors office (hoping that maybe they just forgot to call us) they reassured me that I would be the first one they call when they get the results back in... Isn't it dumb comments like that, that make you want to scream... Well of course I better be the first one you plan on calling, oh and by the way, who else do you plan on calling???

Life does go on even during all of this chaos, it just feels different. I feel as if my head is under water, my vision is not as clear as it normally is, my hearing is muffled, and I am moving a bit slower. But, we are getting through the day and that is what matters.

During all of the commotion last week I feared my old eating habits would rise to the surface, causing me to falter during a way stressful time. I tried the best that I could to stick to my Weight Watchers Plan, but there were a few days that just one  glass of wine was not going to do the trick. There were also a few days that I needed ice cream (thank goodness I had some Weight Watchers ice cream bars in the freezer). I allowed myself to indulge, and there were days that I was WAY over in points (like the day we went out for sushi with the kids), and there were days that I barely made it. So when I jumped on the scale this morning I was anticipating a 2 lb weight gain. Here we go...

Weigh In
Starting weight March 19 = 175.8 lbs
1st weigh in on March 25 = 167.7 lbs
2nd weigh in on April 1 = 166.1 lbs
3rd weigh in on April 8 = 165.2
4th weigh in on April 15 = 163.8
Total = 12 lbs!!!!!!

I am starting to get excited about the possibility of being able to fit back into all of my shorts this summer. There is nothing worse than being uncomfortable in your own body, especially when its 90 degrees outside. So I will keep plugging along and sticking to my daily points because this momma plans on running around outside with her kids all summer..... in shorts!

Monday, April 14, 2014

and so we wait...

It's Monday, and we continue to wait... All I need is a call, one simple little call to help us all move on with life. The waiting has us all in a false sense of calm. Each of us wound up tighter than you can imagine yet portraying this false sense of calm. It is almost like a brewing storm. One call can fix this problem, one call saying that everything will be fine, one call saying that it is Benign...

For now we will pretend that everything is o.k., we will play in the yard, we will start planting seeds in the garden, we will begin our Easter preparations, and we will enjoy the sunshine. Hoping that at any minute the phone will ring...

Saturday, April 12, 2014

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12091083/?claim=ca2a9bt95tv">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Friday, April 11, 2014

I am still a bit raw and emotional from LeiLeis' surgery

This week has been a challenge on so many levels. To say that I am happy it is over is an understatement. Although, its not really over, but at least we are done with the Childrens Hospital for the time being. It has taken me 24 hours to begin to write this post. I want to share with you LeiLeis surgery, but I am still a bit raw and emotional from the entire ordeal. When I decided to start this Blog it was all about being real, whatever life was going to throw at us, I was going to write about. There have been a few times when I have really exposed ourselves to all of you, and this is one of those times. It is not an easy thing to do, but both my Husband and I feel it is important to put everything out there to all of you. So bare with me...

LeiLei had surgery on Wednesday April 10. We had to check in at our local Childrens Hospital at 7:45 a.m. which was not so bad except for the fact that my good friend who was watching our other two kiddos lives in the opposite direction. So, we woke the kids up at 6 a.m. and had everybody out the door by 6:30 a.m. We quickly dropped our kids off at 7 a.m. and then took off towards the hospital. If you ever have the choice between taking your kiddos to a Childrens Hospital versus a regular hospital please choose the Childrens Hospital. It is magical in a very odd way. As much as you are not wanting to be there, you are very comfortable 'being' there.

We only waited a short time after check in. Which was filled with zooming around the waiting room in a police car.

We were then placed in our own room, where we were greeted by at least a dozen different nurses, anesthesiologists and hospital staff. LeiLei quickly suited up in her Tiger Hospital Pajamas. She is such a peanut that it took some serious cinching to make them fit.

Prior to your child becoming completely doped up there is a hospital staff (almost like a concierge) that does nothing but bring your child activities to keep them happy. Everything from coloring to balloons. She also checks in on the parents to see if they need anything. Really a nice experience. During all of the assessments they realized that LeiLei needed to do a breathing treatment. They had picked up a wheeze in her right lung. So before they started anesthesia they wanted to make sure her airways were clear.

Probably about twenty minutes after her breathing treatment they gave her an anti-anxiety medication (similar to Valium). They want the children to experience no anxiety when they separate them from the parent. They told us the pros and cons for the medication and we realized immediately that she would probably fall into the extreme cons just given her 'normal'  demeanor. That being said we still went through with the medication, since this was her first surgery. We did not know what the outcome would be and like anything in life, you learn as you go. We have learned this.... She will probably never receive that medication again, and actually it is now noted in the hospital file that she had an adverse reaction to it. She became immediately amped, It was actually kind of funny at first... Hubby and I did have a few laughs because she was being super silly, but that quickly turned to anger. Which was very alarming to say the least. At one point she looked right at me, pointed her finger and sternly said "I TOLD YOU TO..." ( I cant remember what the actual command was, but it was ugly). During the anger phase she began tearing the stickers off of her dads hands (that she had lovingly put on him earlier) Once they were off she was set on destroying them. The anger phase quickly (thank goodness) gave way to double vision. She kept asking us why there were two of everything. Then she told us her eyes were jumping. At that point I was starting to become concerned. It was also at this point that she was no longer able to hold her head up. Her words were no longer understandable and her breathing changed. It sounded like she was snoring yet her eyes were open. Now I was starting to worry... Then she began to drool which turned to frothing at the mouth. Within a split second her body stiffened almost as if she were having a seizure (but she was not). That was about the time I bolted out the door and grabbed a nurse who also brought in the Nurse Anesthetist. Both assured us that she was o.k. and it was not long after that, that they decided to take her back to surgery. It also was not long after that, that I had my first breakdown. The combo of seeing my daughters body fighting with that medication along with knowing she was going into surgery, kind of got to me.

Our 'Concierge' then led us out to the waiting room and told us what we could expect while we waited, and told us how to get to the nearest coffee stand as well as the cafeteria. Based on our previous conversations with the nurses we were expecting a procedure that would take about 15 minutes. We quickly ran down to the cafeteria so I could grab a soda, I am not a huge soda drinker but I was stressing and was seriously needing carbonation. The cafeteria has a very nice view of our city so we decided to hang out there instead of the depressing waiting room. By that point the waiting room was filled with families whose little ones were in Surgery and let me tell you that is just as depressing as knowing your own child is in having surgery... After maybe 10 minutes we decided to go back to the childrens surgery waiting room with all of the other stressed out parents. The minutes just ticked by 15, then 20 then 40. I kept telling myself that everything was o.k. but I was starting to worry a bit. Finally our concierge came over and asked us if we had spoke with anyone yet. When we told her that we had not she looked a bit puzzled and then went back to investigate. Again we were all thinking this was going to be a 15 minute procedure. About 15 minutes later she came back and said LeiLei had just been brought over to the recovery area and we could go sit with her.

That was a sigh of relief. Although I was not expecting to have my breath taken away when I first saw my daughter in that hospital bed all hooked up to machines. That is definitely something I wish on no parent.

After some time the Doctor arrived and began to go through everything with us. I wish I could remember the entire conversation but I can not. You see, he removed the toe nail as planned but instead of finding a bone spur (which is what he originally thought she had) he found a tumor. It was in that moment that I no longer heard anything that anyone was saying. I put on my brave face, and said o.k. quite a few times. My husband became even more quiet than I, he just stood there. Neither of us could believe what we had just heard. At no point had anyone mentioned the possibility of a tumor, so it was a complete shock. As soon as the Doctor and the majority of the nurses left I sat down in the rocking chair and had my second melt down of the day. It was all catching up with me, and I could no longer wear my brave face.

LeiLeis nurse decided to continue to let her sleep after she had found out about the adverse reaction to the medication she had taken earlier. Apparently when kids have reactions to this medicine it is quite common for them to wake up swinging. She decided to let her completely sleep it off. Truthfully, I was o.k. with that. I still needed to gather my self so that I could completely be there for my daughter when she woke up.

Amazingly my daughter woke up as if nothing had happened. It was the oddest thing I had ever witnessed. She was smiling and talking and wanting to eat and drink. Not to mention, she looked gorgeous!

She definitely does not get that from me. I always come out looking haggard and just sick to my stomach. We stayed there for probably another hour and then made the journey to go pick up her bother and sister, and then back home.

She has been doing so well, allowing her foot to rest both yesterday and today. That is no small task for any of my kids. My kids are far from the couch potato type. They are on the go at all times, so I am super proud of her. So now we sit and wait... We are hoping to hear from Pathology today. I would really like to receive some good news right before the weekend. I really do not want this hanging over our heads the entire weekend.

It has been a hard week for us, and I want to say thank you to all, for the well wishes we have received. As soon as we learn more, I will keep you all updated. I hope you have a wonderful weekend...

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Lets get caught up!

Today I will be spending my day at the Childrens Hospital. We are on round 2, round 2 since we were there yesterday for my son. Yesterday he had a UGI which is a fancy term basically for a swallow test. Today is going to be a bit more stressful unfortunately, my daughter is finally having surgery on her foot. To try and stay calm I plan on doing some Blog reading catch up. Some times it is hard to stay caught up on reading all of my favorite Blogs, especially when the weather is nice. As soon as we start to come out of winter I just crave being outside attempting to soak up the sun. Because of that I tend to fall behind on some of my favorite Blogs. If you are like me, then you have probably missed some of my past posts. Here are a few of my recent favorites, enjoy!

This momma needs to climb back up the ladder, and start taking care of herself

Yes, we have an Open Adoption, and today we have a visit with a Biological Mother

Our third Foster Child placement...

I am a Super Hero who did not have enough Go Gettum Juice this morning

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Weight Watchers 3rd weigh in, and this week I am taking Idina Menzels lyrics to heart "Let It Go"

I can not believe I have been doing Weight Watchers for three weeks. For me, that is a long time. The few times I have actually attempted diets they would only last a week at the most. This time I am really starting to make it part of my life, and it is becoming very comfortable. Every Sunday I spend about an hour writing down every meal for the upcoming week. I then make my grocery list which gets tackled the next day, on Monday. Here is what has really shocked me, my grocery bill has actually gone down. I am only buying what we need, and I am realising that the amount we need is far less than what I am used to buying. The other cool thing is that by the end of the week we have very little waste. I am use to a refrigerator full of waste, I hate to admit it, but it is true. Leftovers that never get eaten, food that starts growing mold because I did not get around to using it, good old fashion waste. But not now, the recipes are simple and allow you to stick to some real basic items in your pantry and refrigerator.

This past week I was off of the Simple Start program and on to the traditional point counting program. So this week I added Tacos, Lemon Ricotta Pancakes, Ham & Cheese Omelettes and Dijon Pork Cutlets to our menu. All except the Pork Cutlets were super amazing, and the Pork Cutlets would have been good had I added the red pepper flakes that it called for. I thought it was going to be way to spicy so I omitted them. Big mistake! We ended up with super sweet cutlets. Oh well, you can't win them all

Weigh In
Starting weight March 19 = 175.8 lbs
1st weigh in on March 25 = 167.7 lbs
2nd weigh in on April 1 = 166.1 lbs
3rd weigh in on April 8 = 165.2
Total = 10.6 lbs

This week is going to be a bit of a challenge. We are going to be spending three days at our local childrens hospital. I will not be surprised if I do not have any weight loss, or if I even gain a pound this week. This week I am taking to heart Idina Menzels lyrics "Let It Go" from Disneys Frozen. I am Letting It Go this week, I will try to stick to my planned menu but I will not beat myself up over it. I am only human...

Sunday, April 6, 2014

A little weekend fun on the property!

Just wanted to share a little bit of our weekend fun with you. From yard work to playing, we did it all and we were lucky enough to have sunny weather in the 60's!! I hope you enjoyed your weekend as much as we did!

Friday, April 4, 2014

My head hurts...

Yesterday we had a visit with JayJay and Ademans' Biological Mother and It went well. Our kids had a fun time and the fact that she totally spoiled them helped a bit. Imagine making up for missed Christmases and Birthdays all in one hour it is a bit crazy.  After every visit I have a release, for lack of knowing what else to call it. I become very quiet a bit withdrawn, in reality I just do not have much to say, and honestly it is as if my brain shuts off. It takes me about a day to bounce back. Everything about a visit is exhausting. So  much time before the visit is spent worrying about the upcoming visit, then while you are at the visit you are very much on guard. Then its over, and your body just waves the white flag and surrenders to exhaustion. That is where I am at. It does not help that we also have a pretty busy and a bit stressful week coming up. We will have three days of admitting children into our local childrens hospital next week. Tuesday Ademan goes in for tests, Wednesday LeiLei goes in for her toe surgery, Thursday Ademan goes back for more testing. I am in survival mode, it is all about getting through the day. All moms can relate to that, because at some point we have all been stretched a bit to thin, and that is where I am at. I am so very looking forward to the end of next week so that we can begin to get back to our version of normal....

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Yes, we have an Open Adoption, and today we have a visit with a Biological Mother

The day has come.. JayJay and Ademan have two visits a year with their Biological Mother, something we set up when we finalized their adoptions. As you probably are aware by now I am a HUGE fan of open adoptions.

I think people have the wrong idea when I say Open Adoption. Our definition of an Open Adoption is two visits a year and two letters (or E-Mails) a year. We do not get together for Birthdays, or Holidays, and we are not 'friends'. We feel that twice a year is enough for all of us to heal. It allows opportunity for questions to be answered, and conversations to be had. Some families have far more "open" Open Adoptions than us, and for them it works. For us twice a year is just fine.

I was getting a bit nervous as March was coming to a close and we had not yet heard from her. But finally at the very end of the month we received the call. So today we will at meet at the Therapists Office, and I wonder if today will be the day that JayJay starts to 'get it'. I woke up almost in a cold sweat last night with all kinds of scenarios running through my head. Envisioning JayJay asking me way more challenging questions than I am ready to answer. We have always referred to their Biological Mother as 'Miss .....' (not putting in her name for privacy) because that was easy, and I figured JayJay was to young for me to refer to her as 'Your Biological Mother'... I just did not think she would gt it, and I figured it would confuse her, but I think that day is coming. All of a sudden those words are hard for me to say. They should not be, that is what she is, she is their Biological Mother. I think I am not ready for my daughters, perfect world bubble to be burst. Right now I am her world and it is easy and perfect, I am her superhero. I hate to bring confusion, sadness or pain to her world.

It is not easy to fix someone elses' mistakes and problems. Being an Adoptive Mom is a struggle, some days are super easy, some days put you in an incredibly dark place. But when my kids look me in the eye with that sparkle in their eyes,
I know that they are mine. They are bonded to me, and I am their safety. I will be the one that they call Mom, I will be the one that wipes their tears away, I will be the one they sit and giggle with, I will be the one that is there for all of their milestones and achievements, I will be the one to teach them life skills, I will be the one that they run too. I will be their MOM...

So today this MOM will sit in an office with HER children and visit with their Biological Mother, the woman who made it all possible.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Another Day, Another Doctor...

Another day another doctor... Sometimes I wonder what it is like to have kids that are not always battling health issue. I wonder what it would be like to go a month without having to walk into a Doctors office. Do not get me wrong, in the big scheme of things my kids are pretty healthy, we are not battling any life threatening illnesses. I am so very grateful for that. That being said, we are constantly dealing with an ailment, and that becomes exhausting for everyone involved.

Last week I took all three kids to the Doctor because of a cough they were all battling. We have been taking the medicine she prescribed for a week now and it did seem to help the other symptoms around the cough, but not the cough. By Monday poor Ademan was coughing so violently that it would end in retching. That had us very worried because he has had a Fundoplication which is a procedure where they wrap the Esophagus around the stomach to prevent reflux. Which also means he does not have the ability to throw up. The retching was worrying me that he was putting stress on the Fundoplication. He has quite the health history, complete with feeding tube for a year and a half. So when he began retching Monday night I was just praying that we were not going to have to make a trip to the ER during the night. I decided to give him a breathing treatment and some cough medicine right before bed, which seemed to at least mellow him out enough to sleep through the night. I was aware that I could not just let it go and see if he got better so yesterday we went right back to the Doctor. She decided that he and his sisters ALL need to start doing breathing treatments every four hours. She felt that they were all struggling to breathe. Urgh!!! I can not tell you how big of a pain this is...

I feel like a pharmacist at the moment. All kids are still on antibiotics. Two kids take their antibiotics twice daily, one kid only has to take it once a day. All kids are now doing breathing treatments every four hours. Each breathing treatment takes 10 minutes then you have a few minutes of cleanup and prep for the next kid. So in reality every three hours I am doing breathing treatments since we only have one nebulizer (the machine that does the treatment) for the kids to share. All three kids are now taking Benadryl right before bed. All three kids are now taking Zyrtec when they wake up. Ademan still has to take his Prilosec first thing in the morning to help with his reflux. Oh and we can't forget that anytime Ademan has liquids to drink I have to add a thickener to whatever he is drinking so he does not reflux and aspirate.  Oh my gosh! That is just craziness...

She did not order any tests because on Monday, the day prior we were at Ademans Gastroenterologists office and she ordered two large tests to be done next week at the Hospital. So let me tell you how my next week is shaping up... Tuesday Ademan checks in at the hospital for a UGI study which is an Upper Gastrointestinal Series. Then on Wednesday LeiLei checks into the hospital for her toe surgery, the doctor believes she has a bone spur and nothing worse but we will not know until he gets in there. Then on Thursday Ademan checks back into the hospital for a gastric emptying study which I believe will be a long test, at least four hours. On top of that we will still have all of our regular weekly appointments like Physical Therapy, and Behavioral Therapy. Well, that's one way to spend Spring Break...

Maybe it is better that I do not know what I am missing as far as 'uncomplicated kiddos' goes. This is my normal and as crazy as it can be at times I would not have it any other way.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

My Weight Watchers Weigh-In... and the results are...

I have completed two full weeks of Weight Watchers Simple Start. I must admit it went by rather quickly, when I had done diets in the past it was as if time would stop. My days would just drag on and on leaving me thinking about my next meal and what I was going to eat, or in reality not eat. That was so not the case these past two weeks. The first week I stuck to the plan and only three times did I make changes to my menu. Twice was because of not thinking my day through, nothing like forgetting that brown rice takes 40-50 minutes to cook and it is almost 7 p.m. Both of those times I opted for Weight Watchers frozen dinners. The third time was when I poured myself a glass of wine. Now, the second week I did incorporate a few more items into my meals. There was one day that I was craving chips, so I opted for Veggie Straws with Sea Salt. They never tasted so good! This past weekend I had a few drinks, but I made sure to stick to my diet so that I would still be within my points range (even though in Simple Start you don't really count points). I had every intention of beginning the fitness part of my weight loss journey, this past week. Unfortunately every time I would think I would have 45 minutes to spare something would come up. Sick kids did not help either! So I am a bit bummed that I did not make it happen, but I need to focus on my new week and make sure that exercise is at the top of my list.

Lets talk food.... There was not a meal that we did not enjoy. Hubby even though not on a diet ate every meal with me (his portions were a bit larger due to the fact that he is way more active than I) and he did not have one bad thing to say about any of the meals. If anything most of the meals usually had him saying, "wow this is really good".  Here are a few of my favorites.

And of course my new favorite tool...

After two weeks of eating their power foods I have discovered two things... The first is that I am not hitting that 3 o'clock slump anymore. My energy is now constant all day. What a world of difference to no longer have 'Highs' and 'Lows' as far as energy. Second, my taste buds have been born again! I can taste flavor again. I had no idea that I was not tasting anything prior to this diet. I allowed myself a Diet Coke last week (for the first time since starting this) and I could not handle more than two sips. I LOVE Diet Coke, so I must admit I was a bit heartbroken when for the first time in my life I could taste the artificial sweetener in it. Last Friday I broke down and purchased Mini Cadbury Chocolate Eggs for the hubby and I. The bag stayed closed until Sunday night, that in itself is a record! I had 3 and could not get over how sweet they tasted. Not in a bad way, I love those darn little eggs, just sweeter and richer than I remember. I did go back for one more, but to be honest, in the past I could have eaten an entire bag myself.

So now it is time to transition over to the traditional Weight Watchers diet. I will be allowed so many points a day depending on how much more weight I want to lose. Once I accomplish my goal I will then be given an amount of daily points to maintain my weight. I am actually looking forward to eating a larger variety of meals but I am also a bit nervous to put down the crutch of Simple Start. It is a good thing that the diet is working, if it were not I would have probably thrown in the towel by now. My jeans are starting to feel a bit looser (not allot, but a little and that just thrills me), I have more energy than I have had in a long time, and honestly I am proud of myself for signing up and sticking with it. So here is where I am at....

Starting weight March 19 = 175.8 lbs
1st weigh in on March 25 = 167.7 lbs
2nd weigh in on April 1 = 166.1 lbs
Total = 9.7 lbs

I could not be any happier. My goal for this next week is to implement an exercise program. I would love to be down two more pounds by next week. If I can do 1 - 2 pounds a week I just might be able to squeeze into my shorts by summer... I know that it will only happen if I get out there and exercise. So wish me luck!