Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Talking about Adoption

I like most Adoptive parents break out in a cold sweat when I think about the moment that my children finally understand that they are adopted. It is difficult to find the words when having a conversation with your children, about adoption. Our kiddos are young, so our conversations have been very light and fluffy. We look at pictures from their special Adoption Day, and we talk about the Judge who is the man that that declared that they will forever be our kiddos. Then we talk about the Social Worker, who was their special buddy and made sure they were well taken care of. Then we talk about all of the other people in the court room from friends to family, to workers from other agencies that wanted to be there. The truth is right now all they are hearing are words, they are too young to really get it.

There is a cartoon on Nickelodeon called Ms. Spiders Sunny Patch. There is actually one episode that deals with Ms. Spider adopting a baby bug that needed a mommy. Whenever it is on, I let my kiddos know that it is one of my favorite cartoons, because Ms. Spider also adopted some of her Buggy babies. Which usually results in one of my kids saying, "Ya mom, they had an adoption day?" So I know they are slowly starting to hold on to the bits and pieces I am telling them . Every once in a while my kids will throw me a curve ball with a random and very specific question about adoption. My hands immediately start to sweat and my head starts to spin, but then I remind myself that they are only 4. The question they are asking me, isn't really the question they are asking me. So for the moment I have learned to not over think my answers. At the moment they are looking for simple answers to a simple question.

It won't be long though, before the questions really start to come at us. We are a blended family of different races. So it will not be long before we will have to address the fact that we do not all look the same. Which will lead us right into the real adoption conversation. We also have an open adoption with two of our kiddos. So, twice a year they get to see their biological mom. That in itself will cause the adoption conversation to happen sooner than later. Thank goodness we took the advice of a Social Worker and had the mom agree to supervised visits at a Therapists office. This way when some of the more challenging questions arise we will have a neutral third party who can help our kiddos understand the reality of the situation.

For those that do not have access to a Therapist, there are many good resources out there. All adoptive parents will need help at some point to navigate their way through some of these tough conversations. I know we will have good conversations, and bad conversations, tearfull conversations, and happy conversations, angry conversations, and confusing conversations. Hopefully by starting the conversations now, it will ease the pain and confusion that our kiddos will inevitably experience. We will do whatever it takes to help our kids come to terms as to why they came to be with us. For now I will continue to have my simple conversations with my easy going 4 year olds, and my non caring 2 year old.

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