Thursday, April 3, 2014

Yes, we have an Open Adoption, and today we have a visit with a Biological Mother

The day has come.. JayJay and Ademan have two visits a year with their Biological Mother, something we set up when we finalized their adoptions. As you probably are aware by now I am a HUGE fan of open adoptions.

I think people have the wrong idea when I say Open Adoption. Our definition of an Open Adoption is two visits a year and two letters (or E-Mails) a year. We do not get together for Birthdays, or Holidays, and we are not 'friends'. We feel that twice a year is enough for all of us to heal. It allows opportunity for questions to be answered, and conversations to be had. Some families have far more "open" Open Adoptions than us, and for them it works. For us twice a year is just fine.

I was getting a bit nervous as March was coming to a close and we had not yet heard from her. But finally at the very end of the month we received the call. So today we will at meet at the Therapists Office, and I wonder if today will be the day that JayJay starts to 'get it'. I woke up almost in a cold sweat last night with all kinds of scenarios running through my head. Envisioning JayJay asking me way more challenging questions than I am ready to answer. We have always referred to their Biological Mother as 'Miss .....' (not putting in her name for privacy) because that was easy, and I figured JayJay was to young for me to refer to her as 'Your Biological Mother'... I just did not think she would gt it, and I figured it would confuse her, but I think that day is coming. All of a sudden those words are hard for me to say. They should not be, that is what she is, she is their Biological Mother. I think I am not ready for my daughters, perfect world bubble to be burst. Right now I am her world and it is easy and perfect, I am her superhero. I hate to bring confusion, sadness or pain to her world.

It is not easy to fix someone elses' mistakes and problems. Being an Adoptive Mom is a struggle, some days are super easy, some days put you in an incredibly dark place. But when my kids look me in the eye with that sparkle in their eyes,
I know that they are mine. They are bonded to me, and I am their safety. I will be the one that they call Mom, I will be the one that wipes their tears away, I will be the one they sit and giggle with, I will be the one that is there for all of their milestones and achievements, I will be the one to teach them life skills, I will be the one that they run too. I will be their MOM...

So today this MOM will sit in an office with HER children and visit with their Biological Mother, the woman who made it all possible.

6 comments:

  1. No matter what, you are "mom". You are their world. You are their comforter. You are their safety. You have been the one to bring them back to health when they were ill. You are the one that teaches them. You are the one they will turn to when in need. You are Mom! They Love you! And, so do we!
    Pops

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  2. Your a Great Mom!! I hope your visit is pleasant. At the end of the day you are blessed to tuck them in at night. You get to kiss them goodnight and say I love you. And here the magical words I love you too Mom. Be strong hugs for you from Amy

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  3. Meri...I am an adult adoptee, age 59. My mom is the woman who raised me. She taught me right from wrong, she nurtured me, taught me, etc. My mom is still my world. There is not enough room here for all of my feelings. Just know that YOU are their MOM. God Bless You. Cori Scrivner

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    1. Thank you so much Cori... Your words are very comforting...

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