We technically are just giving it a try, but I don't think there is any going back!

I have been waiting to write this Post for about a month. The reason, well good old Murphys Law... I am not superstitious but boy oh boy sometimes I hate to throw things out there for fear that I will have to go back on what was said... So here it goes...

Our little Ademan who was once a feeding tube baby...

And then a Thick-It baby, meaning all liquids he consumed had to be mixed with a thickening agent.

Is now completely off of the Thick It!

He now drinks all liquids the same as you and I!!! I can't even tell you how exciting this is. He had his first real liquid on his 3rd Birthday. He had a cupcake and juice out of a big boy cup. I don't know who was more excited.. He or I!

We technically are just giving it a try for a month to see how he does. We are now very close to the end of the month and I don't think there is any going back at this point. He is so totally happy drinking juice boxes with his sisters on those warm Spring afternoons. I know it is not all about happiness, it is about wether or not he is tolerating it, but boy I love seeing him that happy. He appears to be doing great, if he has aspirated his body was able to deal with it, without developing Pneumonia... Only once did he start to develop a 'junky' sound in his chest which was actually a few days ago at the start of this little cold we all have. That in itself is huge, the fact that we are getting through a cold, and not using a thickener is just amazing.

This little boy is stronger than I can ever hope to be. He has gone through a lot, and yet his spirits are always so great. Don't get me wrong he is 3, and yes he is good at it! Besides normal 3 year old behavior he is about as happy as they come. And we are one step closer to him living a bit more of a normal life.

Here I am Keeping my Fingers Crossed

A while back I was talking to another mommy when she told me that she secretly loves when her kids are sick because her kids become super cuddly. She doesn't even mind catching the cold because it gives her the opportunity to hold her growing babies in her lap. I swear I must have had the deer in the headlight look, because whatever gene it is that causes a woman to want to hold a sick child, definitely was not passed down to me. To be honest its probably on my list of things I really don't want to do as a mommy, but have to do because I am a mommy. Its not that I don't want to hold and snuggle them. Its just that there is nothing magical about holding a child with a fever, that is both sneezing and coughing with a nose that just runs endlessly. Yes I have done all of things, I have held many a sick kiddo, I have wiped many a noses, I have cleaned dried up snot out of my hair, I have even cleaned vomit off of my body and hair, but to say that I enjoy it? Are you crazy?

Which brings me today. Here I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is our first and ONLY cold for the Summer. Yep all three kids are launching snot rockets. I know, gross... Gross, is how we roll especially right now. I have upped my Airborne intake as well as my Black Elderberry Syrup in hopes that this nastiness stays far far away from me. Shoot I am willing to hang a raw onion and garlic around my neck if that's what it takes, because I am sooooo not in the mood to be sick. And yet I feel that little special something lurking in my throat, nose and eyes.

At least they are all knocking it out at the same time.. Normally we like to draw these things out over a month or so, with each child getting the Bug about 4 days apart. One will get it and then around the time they are starting to feel better the next child gets it, and on and on and on. Since there are five of us in this house that means a long month of runny noses. By the time we seem to recover the next Bug seems to be lurking in the shadows.

We are leaving for the Oregon Coast in about two weeks and I want to be feeling good! I want to be building sand castles, not wiping noses! I want to be sipping wine watching the sun go down as I stare at the ocean. Not guzzling cough syrup while watching the sun set through my hot watery eyes.

So we are laying low right now. No running around outside, no jumping on the trampoline, no riding our bicycles. Just good old fashioned laying low a.k.a lots of television watching.

Catastrophe!

Oh my goodness, I can't believe it is possibly time for my weekly weigh in. I feel like I was just on the scale yesterday, and yet it has been an entire week. A week full of busy, busy, busy which equates to lazy, lazy, lazy in regards to watching what I am eating. Then throw in a weekend camping trip complete with Cheese Puffs and homemade Brownies and we then have a catastrophe.

How big of a catastrophe, you ask? Big enough that even the Hubbs chimed in last night that he needs to start back on the diet... That's pretty bad. So this week we will be going back to some of the original Simple Start Recipes because we really need to regroup!

Here goes!

Weigh In
Starting weight March 19 = 175.8 lbs
1st weigh in on March 25 = 167.7 lbs
2nd weigh in on April 1 = 166.1 lbs
3rd weigh in on April 8 = 165.2
4th weigh in on April 15 = 163.8
5th weigh in on April 22 = 162.9
6th weigh in on April 29 = 161.3
7th weigh in on May 6 = 161.6
8th weigh in on May 13 = 160.7
9th weigh in on May 20 = 158.9
10th weigh in on May 27 = 161.2

Well, I guess I gained 2.3lbs..... 

So there you are in the middle of your hike, and this happens!

Half of the adventure is always getting there.. No matter where there is, when you are traveling with 2 four year olds and 1 three year old getting to and from your destination is quite the adventure.

This was our first trip with the new truck, and it was magical. So magical that I can honestly say the words, "we are here already?" actually came out of my mouth... As opposed to my usual looking at the clock every 20 minutes thinking to myself, are we there yet? This time about 30 minutes into the trip I turned around to see this. My girls had cuddled up on the bench and fallen asleep.

Thank goodness the truck did amazing, and so did the driver!

So there you are in the middle of your hike, thinking you are pretty far removed from anything and everything, and then this happens...

Somehow in the middle of our hike today we stumbled across Bonnie & Clydes getaway car. O.K. probably not their car, but a car none the less. On top of that, a cool old car! So we threw caution to the wind and let the kids climb all over the rusty car.

Our 3/4 mile hike (not including the walk to get there and then the walk back to the trailer, so probably closer to 1.5 miles in total) had the kids scaling fallen trees, going over seriously rickety bridges, and trudging through wet lands. Sorry, no pictures of those harrowing moments, I was to busy being a nervous mom to snap pictures. By the time we got to the end I was seriously impressed with my kids.

Needless to say they were all asleep by 8p.m.!!!!

Well thats it , I am officially OLD!

Well thats it, I am officially Old... I use to think only OLD people said things like, where did the week go, or where did the year go... Or my all time favorite, enjoy every moment with your kids because in no time they will be grown up and out of the house... Well here it is... I don't know where my week went, I can not even begin to tell you how fast last year went, and now looking at my three kiddos panic is starting to kick in about how many years I have before they all go off to College. I am at a loss... Its as if there is a thief out behind our house that is just robbing me of time. It is all going so quickly...

In the movie Aviator there is a scene where Leonardo Decaprio (while previewing his epic movie) realizes that the planes appear to be moving so slowly because of the blue cloudless sky. With no markers (clouds) in the sky everything appears to be moving slowly. When you add markers you realize the fast rate of speed in which the planes are moving... I feel like that is my life... When we didn't have kids life just kind of ticked by, but now we have kids and lots of markers.

Our markers tend to be a bit more action packed than white fluffy clouds. Learning to walk, School years, Loosing teeth, Learning to ride a bicycle and every parent know that the list goes on and on.  Every time we hit one of these markers I am both overjoyed and filled with sadness because we will never again hit or use that marker. Life moves so very fast, I wish I could be a little more laid back so I could fully enjoy the ride. But that is not my personality, I have to remind myself to sit back and enjoy every moment. So this weekend I am going to do just that...

We are kicking off the summer with our first camping trip of the season. Don't worry I will bore you with plenty of pictures from the trip. This is going to be a laid back weekend with nothing on the agenda except family time... Some long overdue family time!

Celebrate the Small Successes

Pardon me while I do the happy dance! I was waiting for this day, and it finally came. Forget all the lead in about my diet and my struggles, blah blah blah... I finally dropped below 160 lbs!!!!! I am so excited, I have not been in the 150's in over  9 months (and no there was no pregnancy I can use as an excuse for my weight gain). Just a mouth that I could not zip shut. As you all know I joined Weight Watchers about 2 months ago just hoping and praying it would work. You know what? It did!! I signed up for the simple (under $50) plan and really stuck to it. Somewhere in the middle I started to panic and thoughts of failure began to dance in my head, as well as visions of food that I was not allowed to eat. I almost threw my hands up, but for some reason (maybe the support of Hubs) I did not. Boy oh boy am I glad that I did not! I am technically 3.9 lbs away from the goal weight I had originally set for myself. In all honesty that was a "I would settle to be" number. Now that I broke through the 160's and am into the 150's I am going to shoot for a super happy weight of 150 lbs... Which means another 8.9 lbs... This program gave me the confidence that I can do this, and you know what? I WILL!


Weigh In
Starting weight March 19 = 175.8 lbs
1st weigh in on March 25 = 167.7 lbs
2nd weigh in on April 1 = 166.1 lbs
3rd weigh in on April 8 = 165.2
4th weigh in on April 15 = 163.8
5th weigh in on April 22 = 162.9
6th weigh in on April 29 = 161.3
7th weigh in on May 6 = 161.6
8th weigh in on May 13 = 160.7
9th weigh in on May 20 = 158.9

TOTAL = 16.9lbs!!!!!

The Joy and Hurt They Had to Endure...

I know Mothers Day is over but I have not quite moved on... Being an adoptive mom creates an entirely different definition to the word mom. I have been thinking about it a lot. What does the word Mom mean to me? What will it mean to my kids?

This is what Mom means to me: 

Patience, unconditional love, always, forever, listener, woman, honor, protector, guardian, understanding, giving, kindness, beauty, grace, and mercy

I make a choice every day to be a Mother. I choose to put three little ones happiness and well-being ahead of my own. The joy, devotion, and sacrifice that I have given and will continue to give to my children is something I never thought I had in me. When each of my babies arrived I made the lifelong commitment of selflessness.

Being a mom is not an easy task for me. I struggle daily with making the right decisions. I have learned that it is o.k. to ask for help. We have a special person who helps us all maneuver through our daily challenges that raising three different personalities brings to the plate. I am hopefully a better mom because I have been able to ask for help, and hopefully my children will recognize that. Hopefully it will help them see that they too can always ask for help.

I was raised to be strong and independent, and I think most people who know me would say that my mom and dad did a great job. They for sure did, but the downside of being strong and independent is the feeling of always having the weight of the world on your shoulders. It has taken me a long time to realize that I do not have to do everything myself and that I can ask for help. If you think you can be a great mommy without the help of others you are fooling yourself.

I do not know what the word Mom will mean to my children. Hopefully it will have the same meaning for them as it does for me. They will of course struggle with the concept of a Biological Mom and an Adoptive Mom. I hope they will see the beauty in both. Because if it were not for their Biological Mom they would not be able to call me Mom. I will never play down the role of their Biological Moms, the Joy and Hurt they had to endure in such a short period of time is quite a lot for any given person. These women (Moms) will have a special place in my heart, as I also hope they do in my children's hearts.

So as this Mothers Day has come and gone, I realize that I am so appreciative for all Moms out there who have struggled. I am so very thankful that this Momma has an incredibly strong husband that keeps her going...

Don't step on it... It makes you cry

I might be doing the slowest weight loss EVER!!! I have to laugh, that's all I can do. Don't get me wrong, the weight is still coming off, but boy oh boy it is painfully slow... I know I could speed it up a bit with a little more activity thrown into my schedule. But I have to tell you, my schedule is full. Ridiculously full, almost panic attack level of full... Last week I had most of my days packed with three or more appointments. I can't even begin to calculate the amount of miles I put on my car last week.  I wake up at 6a.m. every day just so I can have at least 20-30 minutes to myself before the craziness begins. The last bit of noise from our kids starts to trickle down around 9pm, every night. To say that I am pooped is an understatement. So the thought of throwing in an hour of exercise right now, not an option.

So I will watch the numbers slowly go down, and be thankful that they are at least going down. Because just a few months back I was on the other side of that equation. That is no fun! We are back to eating regular foods which has also been a bit more of a challenge. A challenge that we are working on...

The warm weather has definitely arrived and thank goodness I can fit into a few of my crop pants... I haven't even tried the shorts yet, because I hate to admit it, but they were snug last summer before my big weight gain. So for now they will stay nicely folded on the shelf in my closet, keeping my winter clothes company.

So lets do this!

Weigh In
Starting weight March 19 = 175.8 lbs
1st weigh in on March 25 = 167.7 lbs
2nd weigh in on April 1 = 166.1 lbs
3rd weigh in on April 8 = 165.2
4th weigh in on April 15 = 163.8
5th weigh in on April 22 = 162.9
6th weigh in on April 29 = 161.3
7th weigh in on May 6 = 161.6
8th weigh in on May 13 = 160.7

A loss is a loss and I will be happy with my nine tenths of a pound loss. I have at least another five pounds to go, but I would be really excited to shoot for another 10 pounds... Only time will tell, and now we are getting ready to embark on camping season which means SMORES!!! We better go camping where there is a lot of hiking!

Total so far:  15.1 lbs !!!

The Words That Made Me Stop

I have been trying so very hard to get back in the swing of life. After a very challenging eight months I feel as if I have to consciously make my attitude change.  I am tired of being tired, upset, sad, cranky, and helpless. The craziness has to stop, and only I can make that happen.

Many chapters have come to an end in our lives over the past few months, and that is a weird feeling. Have you ever read a really good book, the kind that just sucks you in, and before you know it you are reading the last sentence. You loved the book so much that it almost became a part of you while you were reading it. Then it was over, the last sentence was read, and you are left sitting there holding a completed book. It is a weird feeling... That is how I have spent the past few days.

We received the results from Pathology for LeiLei, and the tumor was non cancerous. Such a relief! We do have a 50/50 shot of the tumor coming back, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. As you know that 'chapter' in our life has been going on since last September. It was very well written and definitely a page turner.

Our Sammie dog had to be put down last Friday. As many of you know about 3 months ago she suffered from back to back Grand Mal Seizures. That changed our daily routines for a solid 3 months, not that I am complaining. Between medications, observing her tremors and break through seizures, to cleaning up accidents in the house because she was pretty doped up, our 'normal' routine became quite cumber sum. Another chapter finished (and I wouldn't change it for anything).

Ademan turned 3 this week, and I see him as a little boy now. He is no longer my squishy little baby. That was hard for me. I had to come to grips with the fact that he was probably my last baby. (Although, I have said that before). That is always a hard chapter to finish. I know all moms can agree with me on that one.

This has been a challenging year for all of us. I am sure my kids have felt it, and I know hubby has felt it. Now its time to stop and take inventory of what we do have going on so we can focus on the current chapters that our family is working on. While sitting down this morning and staring at my 7,000+ Emails that I am too overwhelmed to even go through, I saw a Title to another Blog Post that said... "Today I Will"... Three little words that made me stop. I get so caught up in my To Do Lists for the day that I do not make it a priority to have a 'Today I Will' list. I don't know about you but my to do lists are kind of like stars to shoot for. It is usually a list of ten or so things that I would like to get done during the day. I can usually get about half of them done, and the rest go onto tomorrows list. What a world of difference in just changing the title of my To Do's... When I say I Will Do something, it puts me back in control. I Will control whether or not a task gets done. By making a To Do List, I am saying that I have things I want to get done, but everything around me is still in control (not me)... That has to STOP... Life is a balance and now that I am in the moving forward stage of life again (as opposed to the getting through each day stage) I need to take charge.

So Today I Will...
Take my kids to the Doctor
Go to the Bank
Go to the Department of Licensing
Take a walk on my property
Have individual snuggle time with each child
Water my plants
Do a load of laundry
Tell each child "I Love You" at least 10 times...
Put a smile on my face
Tell my husband that he is my everything...

And you know what? I Will do it... Because today is the start of a new chapter.

The struggles of Diets

Todays Weigh In, I am only doing because I said I would weigh in every week for those that wanted to follow me on my Weight Watchers journey. It has been a bad week, emotionally. For me that equates to poor eating choices.

We spent a majority of the week still waiting for Pathology results for LeiLei. My Ademan turned 3 on Thursday and we had a family pizza party with cupcakes. Then we had to put down our beloved Sammie dog on Friday. The irony was that at the beginning of the week I decided that the kids and I would bring hubby lunch at work. Since I was quite happy with how well we had been eating for the past 6 weeks I decided to go to Jack N The Box and grab lunch. It was my first fast food in 6 weeks. Oh it was soooooooooo yummy! I had no idea we were on a collision course set for this pat week.

The week is over and now we are regrouping. Last night we were back to salads! Really a hard choice to make on Cinco De Mayo. I would have given anything to have been sitting at a Mexican Restaurant eating chips and salsa drinking a margarita. Instead I was at home being accountable. To which I may have heard my husband mumble... This sucks...

Weigh In
Starting weight March 19 = 175.8 lbs
1st weigh in on March 25 = 167.7 lbs
2nd weigh in on April 1 = 166.1 lbs
3rd weigh in on April 8 = 165.2
4th weigh in on April 15 = 163.8
5th weigh in on April 22 = 162.9
6th weigh in on April 29 = 161.3
7th weigh in on May 6 = 161.6

So a little increase in my weight. Not as bad as I had anticipated, I was truly expecting a 1-2 pound increase. Now I need to kick it up. Summer is approaching quickly and I refuse to spend my summer wearing my 'fat jeans'...

Total = 14.2 lbs!!!!!!

Is it because he is my youngest, that I am having such a hard time?

Wow, where does the time go? Isn't that what every mother says? But really, where does the time go?? My little man is turning 3 today and I am in a bit of denial about it. I don't know if it is because he is my youngest or what the problem is, but wow I am having a hard time with this one. Like every mom can admit to feeling and wishing,  I would love to just hold my babies one more time.

We have had quite a bit going on around here lately. We decided that rather than throw our Ademan a Birthday Party we would just get him a really cool gift. So our little dude ended up with this...

He is a bit short for it so we have a packing blanket propping him up. He doesn't seem to mind one bit.

My big three year old got to go with his sisters to the dentist and get a real big boy cleaning! No more sitting in moms lap for this kid! Not exactly the most fun thing to do while celebrating you're Birthday, but hopefully the birthday pizza and cake will make it all better!

I am so proud of him... oh and for the score board... Three kids... 2 Four Year Olds and 1 Three Year Old= Zero Cavities... That makes for super happy mommy!!!

For dinner we had a family pizza party!

Ademan is really into Jake and The Neverland Pirates so we of course had to gear up with some pirate tattoos!

I was feeling a bit bad about the fact that he had no presents to open (since we had given him the car a few weeks ago, long story) so I ran to WalMart and bought him a Thomas The Train set, which was a HUGE family hit...

Then of course the Birthday Cupcake!

Happy Birthday to my baby boy... I love you!

Her pain has ended, and ours has just begun...

I have been extra quiet this past week and I apologize. For those that know me well... being quiet is not something I do often. I have started at least 3 different posts this week, because I really do have a lot to tell you... but given everything that has been going on, well I have not been able to find the words to say anything. I am really hoping that the dark cloud that has been hanging over us is about to move on out..

We did receive the results from Pathology, but I am saving that for another post. More than anything I need to get some more information from the Doctor before I start writing about it. I would have received that information today, but I had to cancel our appointment due to a change of events. We also tried to celebrate Ademans 3rd birthday yesterday, but the poor boy was robbed of a fun filled day (if you ask me). Just another post I have yet to finish...

You may or may not know that we are really big advocates for animal rescue. We believe every animal deserves a second chance at life. We have had both healthy and not so healthy animals come to live out their remaining years with us. One such dog is Sammie... Or as we like to call her...Sammie The One Eyed Wonder Dog...

Sammie came to us from a Foster Mom on behalf of a Brittany Spaniel Rescue Organization... She clearly was not a Brittany Spaniel and they needed to find her a home, STAT. We were just finishing the grieving process for the loss of our German Shepherd when we found out about Sammie. Sammies Foster Mom was also the Foster Mom for Buddy, our Brittany Spaniel. Buddy was left in an apartment with a litter of puppies and a Female. No food, No water, just an empty apartment. From what we were told they had been in there at least a week. By the time they were rescued there were already some casualties. We were lucky enough to end up with our "Buddy". So when it was time to find Buddy a companion we turned to his Foster Mom. She told us about Sammie...

I was filled with doubt. I really had never thought about the idea of bringing in a dog with physical needs. In reality she had no Physical Needs, except for the fact that she only had 1 eye. You see Sammie had been physically abused by her previous owner. She was punched in the face by a human (a sick, scum of the earth human) hard enough that she lost her eye. The Foster Mom asked is she could bring her out to the property so we could at least meet her, and we said yes. Once she was here it only took a nano second for us to say, Yes. In fact she never left the property again, this was her new home. Sammie was amazing, for only having one eye she could fetch and hunt better than any of our two eyed dog

We were lucky enough to have 4 healthy good years with her.

This last February our Sammie suffered from two Grand Mal Seizures. We (and the Vet) can only assume that those seizures were caused either by a tumor or from scar tissue from her head/brain injury (the same injury that caused her to loose her eye). We placed her on phenobarbital and played around with the dosage until we got it just right. This medication allowed her to have two more months with us. Unfortunately over the past week, we really began to witness a decline in her health. We knew that the time was coming, but neither of us was ready to let go. Yesterday we realized that putting it off much longer would mean that she would probably start to suffer. That is the last thing I wanted for my beautiful Sammie girl. At some point during the night hubby and I decided that today would be the day, that we would help her cross over the Rainbow Bridge.

Her pain has ended, and ours has begun. We know we made the right decision, but that does not take away the hurt, the sadness, or the emptiness. So for now hubby and I will both cry and laugh as we look back on her life with us.