Sunday, November 9, 2014

September is a stressful month for us.. Ya, ya I know its November

September is a stressful month for us... I know you are thinking, Hey its Nov. whats your problem? Well I was holding off on writing this because I was really hoping the outcome was going to be different but sadly it was not.

So, why is September so stressful? Well first off our LeiLei has a Birthday in September. Joyful occasion, correct? Truthfully yes, but after a year of Therapy we have also come to realize that the month of September (usually the end) is a trigger month for some of her behavioral issues. You see where we live we actually have Seasons (considering I am a former Southern CA girl, this is just a wild concept!!!) and it is the season more than the month that is a trigger for her. The first few months of her life we do not know much about. It was not until her Biological Aunt stepped in that CPS became involved (at least with her little life, there was another sibling so CPS was technically aware but that is not my Blog post to write about). Countless therapy sessions have taught us that when children have tragedies or neglect before they are able to communicate they tend to hold on to smells, and to images. So for our LeiLei Fall becomes a very challenging time, right up until the weather turns to cold, and then she is good again. Fall is when she was 'neglected' and since she was too little to communicate she probably cried A LOT which in turn probably caused her Biological Mom to neglect her even more. Sadly, for some a crying baby is an annoying baby. So put them in a Pack and Play and just leave the house. For minutes on end, hours on end, and yes days on end. I am sure LeiLei does not remember the neglect, but I guarantee when the air changes it causes her great unease. Therefor we struggle with some incredible outbursts.

We also have another reason why September is such a challenge. We are fortunate to have an Open Adoption with JayJay and Ademans mom. Our agreement is 2 supervised visits a year and September is one of those visit months. I have yet to get use to a visitation month, each day that ticks by while waiting for that phone to ring is filled with anticipation, nervousness, and turmoil. It is not until the phone rings that I actually feel myself exhale just a bit. This month the phone never rang... We had  decided that if the call came through in Oct. we would still honor the visit. Yet again the month went by and the phone did not ring. I am saddened, truly saddened. We have had many conversations about how to handle what might be unfolding, will the phone ring during her next scheduled month? Is she done? Will she, years down the road want to start back up with her visits? I know our answer... We love our children so much that we will immediately start back up with visits, no matter how much time passes. So now we wait another 4 months until the next scheduled visit, to see what path we are going down. We are connected to her in a very special way, and to say that I don't worry about her would be a lie.

1 comment:

  1. My heart goes out to all 3 kiddos.... each with their own 'issues'... but I know they are being loved (to the Moon & Back) and cared for in every way.
    You will never be able to change the Past,,, but you are in control of the (their) future... and Bless you taking on the challenge and giving them unconditional love!
    Hugz & ILY


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