Thursday, March 13, 2014

We have an Open Adoption with JayJay and Ademans Biological Mom, and March is our visit month

Honesty and openness are good for everyone, and really it is the key to a good adoption. Kids that are adopted are filled with questions. Who are they? where did they come from? Do they have other Biological siblings? They may even fantasize about their Birth Parents (think Cinderella and Prince Charming). So having an Open Adoption really helps answer those questions. I firmly believe that an open adoption is the key to a successful adoption. How 'open' to make the adoption agreement is very personal. For us we do two visits every year as well as two letters with pictures. March and September are our scheduled months for JayJay and Ademan to visit with their biological mom. December and June are our letter months.
Starting at the beginning of the visitation month I become filled with anxiety, and the anxiety does not go away until either we have the visit or the month ends and we did not hear from her.

The way we have it set up is that she is to telephone the Family Therapist and arrange for the visit. The Therapist then calls us and we set the date, then the Therapist calls her back and confirms that the time and date work with her (Bio Moms) schedule. Not everyone chooses to go the route of the Therapist. Some people feel comfortable enough to just meet at a park. We thought it would be better for everyone to have a neutral third party at the visits to assist with those hard 'moments'. Oh and in case you were wondering, yes we pay for these sessions. We are contractually bound to these two visits, and technically so is she. What that means is, if we go MIA for two visits she could technically contact her public defender to find out why we are not showing up. (Which we would never do). She is also bound to this agreement. So if she does not show up for two consecutive visits then we can make the agreement null and void.

With every passing day that my phone does not ring I start to worry. Maybe we will not hear from her, is she o.k.? is she safe? has she moved on? It is not that I am emotionally bound to this woman. But as a compassionate person I would hate to think that the Biological Mother of two of my children is not doing well. I would hate to think that for her sake, and my childrens.

So now we sit and wait for another 18 days.

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