Thursday, January 23, 2014

It doesn't 'Get Better', it gets "Different"...

I will be the first to admit that my kids are driving me absolutely batty this week. We have had a lot of commotion in our home, so I kind of understand why they are acting the way they are. At the end of the day, they are still driving me batty. My hubby keeps reassuring me by saying "its just a phase, and you before you know it, they will be out of it", and yes that is true, but on the flip side they will just be in a new different phase.

This is one of those weeks, o.k. I will be honest more like the past few weeks, that makes you feel like a failure of a mother. Like, I must be doing something wrong because my kids are acting like idiots 24 hours a day, and everybody elses' kids seem to mind their parents. I feel like if JayJay who is 4 knew what putting her middle finger up in the air meant, that she would quite possibly do that to me right now. I just feel like I have lost control over my kids. Maybe its the fact that we are all coopt up in a house and haven't seen sunshine in quite a few days, maybe it is their age, maybe it is the coming down off of the Holidays, or maybe it is a combination of all of that. Whatever it is, it can be over now. Mommys patience is wearing thin.

When I had two babies the reaction was always oh how precious, because everybody loves a baby. A baby can do no harm, and always brings a smile to your face. Then when I had two, 2 year olds it was always, "don't you just love this age" ... Quite often I found myself thinking, "I guess". I mean really I had nothing to compare it to. So compared to a baby who likes to projectile vomit, keep you up all night, and let out ear piercing squeals, well ya, I guess I love that age. Then I had two 3 year olds and a 1 year old, that's when the comments began to shift it was more like, "oh my, you have your hands full". I never knew weather to take that as a compliment or an insult. Now I have two 4 year olds and a two year old... Most of the time I don't get comments, I get looks. Most of the time, it is a look of cant you control them. The comments and stares that I receive now, almost make me feel like I am traveling around with a circus side show. Heck, half the time I feel like I am traveling around with a circus side show.

When I think back to life without kids and the numerous, are you going to have kids one day, comments. You know the comments, the ones were people tell you how AMAZING it is to be a parent, and how they (kids) will change your life, and blah, blah, blah... Let me tell you, I will be the first one to say, do not start a family unless you are ready to be pushed to the brink. The brink of what? The brink of everything... I never new tired, frustration, exhaustion, crankiness, snarkiness, being wound up, not having a moment for yourself, letting yourself go until I had kids.

There are women out there, who will look at me and tell me, "honey, it will get better". You know what, I have been hearing that for a few years, and I have come to the realization that it does not get better, it just gets 'different'. Different is o.k. because different at least changes everything. So lets stop saying that it gets better, lets be honest with each other and say it will just be "different". You may be out of one phase with your kids but I guarantee you have entered a new phase, with new challenges and new struggles. Here is the cool thing about our minds and our spirits, we are quick to forget. We forget how difficult it was, and we start to remember the good. When the hubby and I reminisce about our kids when they were younger, I cant tell you how many "annoyances" my hubby can remember that I have completely forgotten and vice verse.

So as I sit here and complain about my kiddos, I know that in no time, it will get "different". Please don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than life itself. Everything I do, is now for them. They have for sure made me a better person, and I will forever owe them for that. Some day when my girls have started their own families (assuming they want to, because let me tell you, I will NEVER pressure them for grandbabies) I hope the Internet will still be around so that they can read this post and know that they are not alone. Not alone in feeling tired, exhausted, cranky, snarky or whatever it is they are feeling. We have all been there, and if you weren't, you either didn't have kids or you had one heck of a nanny!


  1. You two are "Great" parents! As to your last sentence, we didn't have a nanny and quite frankly we never experienced what you are going through. We only had one child and she seemed "perfect", and was never a problem.
    You know something, she still is!
    We are so proud of her and her willingness to make the world a better place for three wonderful kids that deserved so much more than they were given at birth!
    We Love you so much...

  2. Double ditto. Meri, you're right, it will just be different. It always is as they grow. And, even tho my kids are adults, you still worry because you never stop being a parent. It's just different. Love, Aunt Linda


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