Monday, September 23, 2013

Upcoming visit with Bio Mom...

I love September, the cooling temperatures, the abundance of apples and peaches, and the slower pace that Fall tends to bring to our household.  As much as I love September, it is also a month that leaves me sitting on pins and needles.

September and March are the scheduled months for JayJay and Ademan to visit with their Bio Mom. JayJay and Ademan are full biological siblings, and we are so fortunate to have them both. They both have the same Open Adoption Agreement with their Bio Mom, which is two visits a year, and two letters with pictures a year. So, why do I sit on pins and needles? Well it is up to Bio Mom to make the arrangements. We picked a Family Therapist for our visits, and it is up to her to contact the Therapist to schedule the meeting. As each day passes during those months, I sit and wonder will today be the day the phone rings?

I feel strongly for having open adoptions. I believe it is healthy for a child to know who and where they came from. I also believe it is important for them to know that they were and are still loved by their Bio Family. These visits do tend to get crowded, both my husband and I attend, as well as Bio Mom and Bio Grandma, you have our two kiddos and the Family Therapist. As our children get older we know the questions will become more challenging, which is why the Family Therapist is crucial. Our kids ages range from two to four, and we have already started the "adoption" conversation. They all know that they were adopted in a court room with a Judge. Do they understand what adoption is? No. But if we slowly include it in our conversations my hope is that there will be acceptance, as opposed to resentment for not telling them sooner.

Are we approaching this the right way? Only time will tell. As their parents we have to be honest with them, or risk losing their trust later in life.

Unfortunately our LeiLei will not have the advantage of  knowing her Bio Mom. We offered her the same Open Adoption, and she refused it. So LeiLei has a closed Adoption, but we are in contact with her Bio Aunt who is raising her half brother. The Bio Aunt adopted the Half Brother, and they want to remain in contact with us.

Getting back to the sitting and waiting for the call. I did receive the call last week, and we scheduled the visit for this week. I must admit I do tend to get a bit "moody" right before the visit. My brain goes into over drive... Will she show up? Will she be clean? Will this be a safe visit? How will my kids react? Up until this point most visits have gone well. Not all, but most.

I ask that you all keep us in your thoughts and prayers this week.

7 comments:

  1. Hugz & Prayers always... and a few extra said for this meeting.
    I am sooooo proud of you all..... ILY

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    1. Uncle Rudi and I have you and the kids in our thoughts and prayers. Love, Aunt Linda

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  2. Prayng for you and the kids..Blessings

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  3. I'm the bio aunt and we absolutely love you guys and everything you do! Lucky you are not related. It sure gets hard to explain boundaries that are so crucial for my little guy. But that is a story for another blog. Aunt adopts nephew? Lol

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