Over the past three months my husband and I have had numerous conversations in regards to maintaining our Foster License. This has been one of those conversations that makes you feel like a dog chasing its tail. It seems as if all of our conversations end with, "well, lets talk about it again, later". We do not currently have any Foster children in our home. So it is quite easy to say "lets be done". On one hand you are ready to move on with life, because lets face it... When you are a foster parent your life changes in a way that is quite different than the normal "we just had a baby" life change. For example, you are tied down to your childs schedules. Your Foster child might have to leave your home five days a week for therapy visits, visits with their parents, attending parenting classes with their parents etc. Of course there is always the vacation dilemma... They are not to leave the county. Yes, I said COUNTY... Most of the time for weekend getaways you just need a social workers approval, but if you are planning on going cross country Disneyworld or Lego Land, you will need the parents approval, if you don't get it, you can try to obtain approval from the Judge. If that doesn't work, your family minus the Foster child go on vacation, while they get shuffled to another Foster home while you are on vacation.
Then there is the struggle of what age children you want in your home. More of a struggle for us now that we have adopted children. Lets face it, Many kids in Foster Care have been exposed to some horrific things. The last thing you want is for your children to be exposed. It bothers me that I have to cast judgement on children I have never met, but for the safety of our own kids it is necessary. We have come to a conclusion on that, birth to age 3.
It has been nice for the past six months to maintain a bit of privacy. You definitely lose that as a Foster Parent. It feels like you constantly have somebody coming to do a well child visit, whether it is the Social Worker or the Guardian Ad Litem (advocate appointed by the court). If you do not transport your child to all of their appointments, then you have to deal with all of the different transport drivers. Each agency uses different drivers, so now you are exposing your home to all of the drivers. So, not only is your door constantly swinging open but to say that your phone rings non stop would not be an understatement.
Lets get real, what it all comes down to is emotional stability. Are we strong enough to allow kids in and out of our home? That is where we struggle. I am currently doing all of the continuing education to maintain our license.. The one thing we have discovered is that there is nothing worse than letting your license expire and then taking a placement. Like we did with Ademan. That was a lot of craziness!
At the end of the day we want to continue to help. There are many ways to help such as traditional Foster Care, after hours emergency placement, special needs placement, respite or receiving care. The one thing we have learned through all of this is ultimately those choices are made for us.
Meri, all I can say is, that you and Evan need to ask, how many resources do we have? I'm the kind of person who wants to save the world. The reality is, I don't have the resources to do that. By that I mean, time, energy and at the bottom, money. I can however, do something. You two are already doing more than just something. Of course this is a decision that you two must make. I for one, do not judge whatever that decision is. You have 3 children now. Those children all require a lot of care from you two. You also need to take them into consideration. I know that you are doing that. Its ironic that those who are already doing a lot always feel they aren't doing enough. My prayers are with you no matter what your decide. Love, Aunt Linda
ReplyDeleteIt is true how you want to do more and more and more...
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